Starting over
In the fall, I had a big friendship break-up.
(Honestly, I’ve never had a friendship breakup of that magnitude before. Or even close. I didn’t see it coming, and I have been heartbroken.)
That, combined with a few other friendship shifts (a few friends moving away, another with a new job that shifted her schedule + time)…
…combined with being an intensely introverted working mom of young kids (so my social circle in LA was never huge) has meant that…
…my social circle in LA has felt small, recently.
Too small.
A bit lonely, small.
If I’m honest, I’ve felt embarrassed about it. I had put in so much intention to have friends! I read books + started groups + even wrote podcasts + essays about what I learned!
And also, always that old fear: Does not having as many friends as I’d like mean that I’m not someone that people want to be friends with?
…
It has been helpful in this season, to remind myself:
We are all starting over, all the time.
Someone I love is having a tough time in his career. He was unemployed for a year, and then had to take a job that was a step down. He’s looking for his next role, but it’s going slowly. Some days, he wonders if his career will ever recover.
We are all starting over, all the time.
A wonderful client of mine is building her business. She’s had her business for years now, but some things that were working…aren’t anymore. She’s trying new things, but it feels hard and discouraging. She wonders: why haven’t I “cracked” this thing yet?
We are all starting over, all the time.
(Of course, none of these people are actually starting over. Neither am I. We all have skills and insights and connections that will serve us in this round. But on our worst days, doesn’t it feel like we are starting from scratch?)
…
Usually, I like to send practical tips in these essays — things you can implement today.
There will certainly be a day when I write about lessons I’ve learned from this round of friendship-building.
But today, what I want to say is: I bet I’m not the only one who is starting over right now.
Maybe you’re starting over:
In your fitness — you haven’t worked out in six months (or six years)
In your health — there have been way too many sweets (or Doordash) recently
In your energy — you’re deep into energy debt
In your technology usage — scrolling has spiraled out of control
Of course, there are actions we can (and will!) take to rebuild.
We often even already know what they are.
But there’s also the shame and frustration and tiredness of having to start again. Our thoughts about what it means about us. (“I can’t *believe* I’ve let my workouts go…*again*”)
So today, I just want to fully inhabit this season, in solidarity with you.
I’m starting over. Maybe you are too, in some area of your life.
Maybe it doesn’t have to mean anything about us. Maybe we can remember that most of us are starting over, in some part of our lives, all the time.
As always, I’m rooting for you.
Katie
p.s. If you’d like to feel more comfortable with people not liking you all the time, while also having more authentic, deeper romantic relationships and friendships (and not feeling like your chest is tight from low-level anxiety/exhaustion all the time), you should definitely hire me as your life coach.
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