When People Don't Like You (Part 2)

Last week, I wrote about what to do when people don’t like you, or judge you.

I wanted to share one more insight on this topic, which always seems to land with my clients:

5% of people won’t like you — no matter what you do.

So if someone doesn’t like you, all it means is that you’ve found someone in that 5%.

When our brain freaks out because someone doesn’t like us, it is usually because we have the implicit belief: 100% of people should like me.

And yet, this is a thinking error.

It is impossible that 100% of people will like you. In fact, some percent of people (which I call 5%, but you can pick a different percentage if you like) will dislike you no matter what you do.

They won’t like your hair because they don’t like brunettes.
They won’t like your sense of humor because it reminds them of their annoying brother.
They won’t like you, because their ex-best-friend likes you and they hate their ex-best-friend.  

If you, in an attempt to make them like you, changed your hair color or sense of humor…some other group of people wouldn’t like that.

Of course, it’s not rocket science that you can’t please all the people all the time. And yet, when we are upset that someone doesn’t like us, that’s typically what we are upset about.

So it can be useful to explicitly cultivate the thought:

5% of people won’t like me — no matter what I do. Now I have found someone in that 5%.

…

Several weeks ago, one of my clients was sharing, with clear pain, how her work colleague just didn’t seem to like her very much. It bothered her; she was trying every tool in her toolkit to turn the relationship around. And then I shared this concept with her.

Oh, I *was* assuming that if I did everything right, 100% of people would like me, she said.
But maybe this is just someone in that 5%.
Maybe I don’t have to change how she thinks of me…*at all.*

Relief.
Calm.
Even some giggles.  

And you better believe she showed up better in that relationship — more confident, more interesting, and yes — more like-able — when she wasn’t trying to get her colleague to like her so much.

…

As always, I’m rooting for you in the week ahead. You’ve got this.

Katie

p.s. If you’d like more comfortable with people not liking you all the time, while also having more authentic, deeper romantic relationships and friendships (and not feeling like your chest is tight from low-level anxiety/exhaustion all the time), you should definitely hire me as your life coach.

To learn more about my work, click here.