Just a bit about (saving) money
Hi there, Recently, I wrote to you about money — and, if we’re being honest — about when we need a nudge to spend it.
Today, I thought I’d offer something about the flip side of the coin:
A little (powerful, gentle) idea about how to save more money.
…
Some time ago, a client came to me, saying that she wanted to save more money. She profoundly enjoyed the finer things in life (experiences, clothes, food). But she was also aware that she spent money emotionally. If she had an exhausting month at work, she’d:
book an expensive vacation, or
buy an expensive outfit, or
take an uber home when she could have taken the subway.
There were big emotions there — shame, overwhelm. She was extremely smart, and not unaware of things like budgeting. But also…she couldn’t quite get herself to stick to a budget, and her spending often felt like something she couldn’t control.
I said to her:
Yes, you want to spend less. But even more importantly, I bet you want to feel like you spent money intentionally.
I said: I don’t think that it’s that you *never* want to take an uber, or buy a gorgeous skirt, or take a fabulous vacation. You just want to feel like you did it on purpose, for reasons that you *like.*
I could see her shoulders drop as I said it. Yes, that’s *exactly* what I want, she said.
…
So instead of spending more of her limited energy on budgeting, we focused on making sure she liked her reasons when she spent. For a week, I asked her to keep two lists:
Purchases that she liked her reasons for making (and why)
Purchases that she didn’t like her reasons for making (and why).
In our next session, she shared a few amazing observations:
The same category of things could be on both lists. She bought a gorgeous coat that she loved her reasons for buying…and exercise clothes that she hated her reasons for buying (and returned).
She could still buy lots of things she loved…while saving money. Sometimes “budgeting” had felt so stark and deprivation-y. But she realized she could still take an uber sometimes, when she loved her reasons — while saving tons of money from all the ubers she now didn’t take.
She enjoyed her purchases more. She used to feel low-level guilty about everything. After all, she needed to save money! But now, when she realized she loved her reasons for a purchase, she gave herself permission to enjoy.
I love an approach like this because it is gentle, non-shaming, and flexible. It allows you to keep the things you love, and simply let go of the things you don’t (because many of us do a lot of things we don’t love).
My client liked this approach so much that she continued tracking the two lists for several more weeks. She told me she felt more intentional about her spending, and more proud of herself. It felt like she still got to enjoy life — while also saving money.
And isn’t that the dream?
…
There’s lot of wonderful advice about money on the internet, but I don’t see this — more integral, depth-oriented — approach talked about quite as much.
I thought I’d share it, in case it could be of service to anyone out there.
(And if you don’t need to save money, this structure of a self-awareness exercise can be used for just about anything. I’ve personally used something similar — substituting "purchases" for “food” or “internet usage” — with similarly excellent results.)
As always, I’m rooting for you. You’ve got this.
Katie
p.s. If you'd like someone to see through your bullshit and give you personalized, non-nonsense guidance on how to move forward, I can't recommend life coaching enough. I also can't recommend working with me enough. I’m a skillful, experienced coach, and there is nothing that I love more than blowing my clients minds about what’s possible for them. (I know that’s cheesy, but it’s true.) If you'd like to work with me, learn more here. I'd love to be your coach.
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