How to eat chocolate

(Just a head’s up – this week’s “challenge” for you is something that you are definitely going to want to do. Heck, I’m going to do it, too.)

It has come to my attention that most people do not understand how to properly eat chocolate.

This is a grave issue, and one that I feel compelled to address immediately.

Do you find yourself eating chocolate (or any delicious, indulgent treat) in any of the following ways?

Scenario #1: Standing up, next to the cabinet or counter, quickly grabbing a bite-sized bar of Hershey’s that you know will be not-that-great, but eating it before you can give it a second thought. And then you walk away, almost as if it never happened.

Scenario #2: Eating at a restaurant, chatting with friends, saying or thinking, “Oh, I’m so bad” and “I shouldn’t do this,” but then eating an enormous quantity of cake.

Scenario #3: Returning to the kitchen or break room throughout the day, taking tiny pieces of broken cookies, or slivers off of a cake, trying to convince yourself that you aren’t really eating anything.  

I don’t like to be too tough on you, my dear readers, but it is my profound obligation to inform you:

You are eating chocolate the wrong way.

 The correct way to eat chocolate requires following these three important steps:

  1. You give chocolate your entire attention. This means that you are not reading a book or a phone, you are not in the car, you are not wrangling your child, and you are not standing.

  2. You close your eyes when you eat the chocolate and feel its unbelievably amazing taste sensation on your tongue.

  3. You make noise as you eat it. Some sort of “Mmmmmm” sound. I wouldn’t call it a moan, but you might call it a moan. A very small moan. (Note: if you are in public, you may need to turn down the noises, or at the very least, make sure that they sound, well, appropriate).

At this point, you may be doubting me. You may be thinking this Katie girl, she’s a little crazy. I’m not going to close my eyes while I eat, and I’m definitely not going to make noises. 

To which I would say two things:

First: of course, there are situations where the proper chocolate eating methodology won't work. If you are eating dinner for the first time with your boyfriend’s parents, for instance, or if you happen to be dining with the President of the United States.

But second (and much more importantly): don’t knock it till you try it.

Eating chocolate in the proper way has the potential to improve your whole life. Not only will you enjoy the chocolate 100x more (yes, that is an official number), but you will need less of it because you will actually be paying attention to it with your whole heart and soul. So you will need less “indulgent” food, over time, which has an amazing impact on your waistline.

But also, eating chocolate in this way is just friggin’ fun.

And so, this leads us to my challenge for you this week:

1. Start by blocking off fifteen minutes on your calendar for the “grand chocolate experiment” (I’m serious). If you don’t like chocolate, you can feel free to call it the “ultimate peach tart experiment,” or whatever indulgence makes sense for you.

2. Buy an extremely high quality chocolate, or baked good, or any other indulgence (an artisanal bacon cheeseburger?).

3. Sit down in a place where you are completely alone, and implement the 3 chocolate eating best practices. Pay complete attention. Close your eyes. Make noises. Start with quiet noises, and then make big ones.

4. Tell me how it goes :)

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p.s. That picture above? My friends took that years ago when I was following the rules of correct chocolate eating.